We were totally unprepared
for the mob. Democracy at its finest. A town hall meeting at the Knights of
Columbus Lodge in Far Rockaway. It’s simple when I think about it now. We had
no understanding of the community. I asked Jerry on the way to school very simple
questions.. he knew the obvious answers: Who lives a 2 hour subway commute from
the city rich or poor? Poor. What color are they? black. What happens when
people get flooded in hurricanes, are they happy or angry? Angry. What happens
when you design a library and they have no input on the design or usage.. do
they feel left out or included? Left out. With these answers I would’ve
prepared for the meeting much differently. In the end, the community wanted
things beyond aesthetics... things we couldn’t give... 15,000 sf extra space,
bike parking, planting in front of the building, more space for books, more
flexibility in terms of operating hours, helical pile foundation system, a
higher library to avoid higher flood tides due to global warming, an emergency
generator, etc... We should’ve been prepared for “This is our vision of the
library... this is the future of the library... this is our community
engagement, etc...” disaster. Now we face community board rejection, a delayed
design... or worse an aborted design.
The subway ride back home
was long and tedious.. an insult to injury. A 16 minute wait on a cold platform
for a shuttle train to a stop in broad channel... a stop on a bridge between
Far Rockaway island and queens. A transfer train ride to Euclid Avenue that, I
kid you not, smelled like someone took a shit on a bench. An even longer ride
back to the house. I went to sleep at 11:30 without dinner, not even
hungry, replayed the meeting in my head and fell asleep.
I found out political forums
at the community level are comprised of people bold or crazy enough to get up
and advocate for their positions. I realized my coop board situation with my
crazy catlady constituent is an accurate microcosm of larger scale politics.
Before our architecture presentation, we had to listen to various community
members on an open microphone present their concerns. I didn’t expect to pay
too much attention to this... as I was trying to think about how we’d present
the library. But they were quite distracting. People spoke in the order they
signed up and the topics were random. As I lay down staring at the ceiling I
started thinking about the crazy characters I just witnessed and the political
craziness that my library project got sucked into. Instead of CRAZY CATLADY and
RICH DOUCHE BAG WITH LOUD AC.... I witnessed LAZY MILLENNIALS, BORING CENSUS
EMPLOYEE, DISGRUNTLED SUBWAY RIDER WITH 1.6 BILLION DOLLAR TRANSIT MASTER PLAN,
LIFEGUARD REQUESTER, CONCESSIONS WORKER HIRER, and PLASTIC BAG MAN.
LAZY MILLENNIALS
2 lazy millennials (1 woman
and 1 man) in matching black winter hats with the words “MATH” embroidered in
white stitching on them got in front of the community board. With a total
straight face, the young man apologized for his lack of political experience....
“I’ve never gotten into politics before but I saw Andrew yang propose $1000 a
month per person and I thought that was intriguing. And I was like $1000 a
month could help me very greatly so I did a little bit of math honestly and I
realized from my own numbers and research, just this community board alone
represents 115,000 people.. 40% of which are on some assistance program which
is about 42,000 people just for this district alone. So I was trying to think
how much $1000 a month would mean to me and what would that mean for our
community and the people around us and it made me think what a large effect a
notional policy would have on local politics and that was very inspiring to me.
So I’m here to support Andrew yang and get a feel for local politics as well
and our community. And as such I’m here to collect signatures to put Andrew
yang on the presidential ballot.” So I thought... the millenials’ political
motive was to fuck around and their dream was to utilize $1000/month of welfare
money.
BORING CENSUS EMPLOYEE
The second speaker was
boring... a worker for the United States census bureau. It takes shamelessness
to go up and speak in front of 100 people telling them it’d be cool to get
$1000 a month for doing nothing. It takes even more courage to waste people’s
time and talk about something no one cares about. “For the first time ever you
can register for the census online. Alternatively you can sign up by phone, by
paper, or by person. The census is important because it determines the budget
for the community”.... blah blah blah. But at the end she warned “Also beware,
the census never asks for your bank account number, social security number, or
a donation.” Imagine getting swindled by taking a census. The most interesting
part of her speech was limited to an ending line. I wanted to hear stories of
how an old lady took a census poll and lost her life savings, or how some dufus
was tricked into paying $20 to be counted, or how someone’s identity was stolen
and used to buy fancy watches because they gave their social security number
out....
DISGRUNTLED SUBWAY RIDER
WITH 1.6 BILLION DOLLAR TRANSIT MASTER PLAN
It takes 2 hours to ride a
subway to Far Rockaway from Manhattan. It takes 45 minutes to fly to Bermuda.
Given a choice, I think most people would rather go to Bermuda than Far
Rockaway. I have a theory that the town was called “far away” by locals before.
As in .. “where do you live?” “Far away”... But over time, people got sick of
saying they live ‘far away’ so they started calling their town ‘far Rockaway’.
Whether it’s called far away of “Far Rockaway” who the fuck cares. the town is
so far away from everything nobody even thinks about going there let alone
living there. The town looks like trashy suburbia with a mish mosh of
abandoned cars, false stone vinyl siding, and ubiquitous trash on front yard
lawns. So here I was listening to complaints about their stupid transit
connections from a disgruntled resident. “the MTA is proposing to run all C
trains to Lefferts Boulevard and all A trains to Far Rockaway. Then they’re
proposing to run an H train from Far Rockaway to Rockaway park... that will be
a lot faster we will have many fewer deaths from old age.” Those awake in the
audience chuckled at the sarcasm. This poor guy was taking about potential life
altering transit modifications like obscurely rerouting the A train exclusively
down one rail spur rather than another. But his dreams didn’t stop there... he
continued in preaching to is choir. “I also want to talk about the Rockaway
beach line. MTA said it would take 8 billion dollars to build it... but if you
look at the spread sheet it would only cost 1.6 billion. You might think 1.6
billion is a lot but you know the mayor has just came out and pledged a quarter
billion dollars to Donovan richards (council member) so 1.6 billion dollars is
not a lot in nyc terms.” Every time I ride a train to far Rockaway... I see
maybe 3-4 people on the subway car. I thought for 1.6 billion dollars they
could really benefit a couple hundred people.
LIFEGUARD REQUESTER
Every speaker is limited to
2 minutes, after which a timer beeps and the council signals for the complainer
to stop. The timer started beeping while the man with the 1.6 billion dollar
plan was expounding the benefits of fantasy infrastructure projects. The
audience gave him a ‘nice job’ applause and then the next speaker got up. She
was a mousy woman, who asked what the council was going to do about beach
safety. Apparently in the summertime a lot of people go to the beach, and some
never return. 5 people died off far Rockaway beach last summer. I thought to
myself, having Far Rockaway coastline as your last vision on earth before
losing consciousness is quite a shitty way to die.
HOT DOG SELLER HIRER
“Hi, I’m Charles, I operate
a concessions stand on the beach near 33nd street. I’m here to announce
we’re hiring concessionaires for this upcoming season. If anyone is interested
in selling hot dogs you can call me or text me at 646-463-3271..” I was
thinking I never knew what great seasonal job opportunities were announced at
community board meetings. Maybe I should send him a text “Dear Charles, I heard
you offered hot dog seller positions at your beach stand this summer at the
recent community board meeting held at the Knights of Columbus Lodge. Can you
provide more details about hourly wage, expected hours, and health insurance
benefits? Thanks, Prospective Hotdog Seller.
PLASTIC BAG MAN
Last but not least, the
grand finale of the public declaration portion of the community board meeting
was concluded by a sanitation department representative. He was granted special
rights to make a speech with no time limits and proceeded to spend nearly 13
minutes of time talking about how single use shopping plastic bags were being
phased out due to new environmental laws. I never knew one could spend 13
minutes talking about this subject till this guy discussed plastic bags and
entertained a lively question answer session with all the dumbasses in the
audience.
“Hi my name is Chris Velez,
department of sanitation community affairs in here for the first time ever to
make a quick little little speech. I’ve been going to as many community board
meetings as I can before March first. NY state has passed a no plastic bag ban.
Essentially what this means is that all throughout the state, plastic bags will
no longer be distributed in large commercial buildings such as supermarkets,
stores... things like that. The reason for that as most people know is that
plastic bags are bad for the environment... they fill up land mines (he
should’ve said landfills but blurred out landmines instead), blow away into the
oceans, kill baby dolphins who ingest then by mistake, just causes all sorts of
havoc. There are certain exceptions... your local Chinese food restaurants,
(being chinese I was a little curious why Chinese food was singled out for
plastic bags and not other foods like Italian food) small mom and pop shops,
they will still be allowed to sell bags only because it’s a little harder to
regulate right off the bat.... so we’re starting with the bigger businesses and
work our way down... it’s a program that worked in other states and other areas
around the world.. it’s something that’s doable and it’s something us New
Yorkers just have to get used to. With that being said they are still going to
offer paper bags. They are going to be charging 5 cents per paper bag. This
charge does not apply to anybody on welfare... for them the paper bags will be
distributed for free. This is to sort of curb people off the idea we need have
bags given to us that is why the sanitation department is giving away reusable
bags for free this is to push people to bring reusable bags to go grocery
shopping when you go anywhere.”
At this point, hundreds of
orange reusable bags were passed out to the audience. I took one too.
“Reusable bags are so much
better for the environment. I know it’s a hard thing to give up. We all use
plastic bags for our little garbage cans. It’s a little difficult to wrap your
mind around the fact that they’re going away we understand it.. which is the
reason why we’re giving these bags away. I’m not sure if I brought enough for
everybody.. I think I did. If not the community boards are going to be
receiving a bunch. We’ll be giving these out. Inside the bag there’s also some
flyers... some basic information about the change that is going to be
occurring. You have until March first to collect as many plastic bags as you
can from your supermarkets and grocery stores and whatever you can. It’s not
going to be just New York City it’s going to be New York State. I’m going to
open up the session to questions and answers.”
Dumbass #1 who worried about
the logistics of taking out the trash. “can we use our large household garbage
bags?” “Yes you can still purchase them. Realistically I don’t know what else you
would use. We’re trying to curb people from the single use plastic bags.
Essentially those plastic bags are so low grade they can’t be recycled. They’re
so small that they’re so many of them. Trash bags are a little more high
quality. We believe the future of large trash bags is that they will become
biodegradable.” Dumbass #1 looked relieved and wondered about the future of
plastic bags.
Dumbass #2 who thought they
were smart by pointing out the hypocrisy of using any bags that could be made
of ‘harmful to the environment materials.
“What are your bags made out
of?” “99% recycled materials, 100% biodegradable.” Dumbass #2 was thwarted and
sat back down.
Dumbass #3 feigning desire
for more reusable bags “How do we get your bags?” “We will be distributing bags
to community boards. You can also go on the sanitation website where you make a
pledge to be more sustainable and we send you a bag straight to your house.”
Dumbass #4 who’s brain was
stirred and awaken by dumbass #3’s ideas. “How do we get multiple bags” “for
multiple bags you would have to contact sanitation department and if there’s
and event, we will provide many bags. If it’s for yourself and you need 15
bags, we can’t do that. It has to be for a specific need and meeting.”
Dumbass #5 who thought their
community was being ignored by this state law. “How are you reaching out
residents” “We are going to housing and educating residents about our new
program.
Dumbass #6 who saw
employment opportunities in all this discussion.
“Do you have any job
opportunities since you’re rolling out this plastic bag ban” “yes we always
have job availability for civilian workers. We administer a test. Last summer
we had 96,000 people apply for the test. We’re going to advertise on TV and the
radio” I had no idea sanitation career was such a coveted job, maybe I’ll take
the test too. I wondered what questions they would ask? “Is plastic
recyclable?”
Dumbass #7 who just woke up
and felt left out without having taken any reusable bags. “Are you going to
send us more bags” “yes we are going to be sending more bags. This is just like
a taste.”
Dumbass #8 who tried to
uncover a political conspiracy against poor people.
“You’re going to charge 5
cents for paper bags. Is that an incentive to use reusable bags?” “Yes” “who
does the 5 cents go to?” “I’m not sure, probably the store owner.” “You said
people on welfare don’t have to pay 5 cents for paper bags right?” “Yes, I
don’t want to get too political, but for families who can’t afford 5 cents, we
don’t want to stress them out by owing for their paper bags if they don’t bring
reusable bags.”
And so on... the proceedings
bled on slowly like a moose pierced by an arrow. The sanitation worker had a
way of talking many words without saying much. I could’ve condensed his speech
into “We’re not allowing plastic bags anymore. Try to use reusable bags,
folks.” I kept meticulous notes to commemorate the time I was wasting and would
never be able to recover. I kept thinking about Mark Twain’s insight on people
who shouldn’t be talking, talking. “Better to remain silent and be thought a
fool than to speak and to remove all doubt.” The community board meeting was
like a public doubt removal meeting. Finally, we were called up to the front to
present our design for the library.
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