Bahasa Indonesia
Indonesian is an easy language to pick up as there are no tenses, conjugations, or tricky pronunciations. There are a few rules: the subject precedes modifiers, add a ‘lah’ at the end of a verb to indicate a command, add ‘mem’ to the beginning of verbs if they are followed by verb and object. Many words have been taken and modified from the English, Dutch, and Chinese languages. Most of the Dutch words in the Indonesian lexicon are remnants of the Dutch colonial era and concern tax and monetary issues. Indonesian words like ‘lelah’ and ‘semua’ sound like and have similar meanings to their Chinese counterparts leile and shenme. Indonesian words like transmigrasi, expedisi, biologi... have easily detectable English origins.
A few common expressions in Indonesian are funny. Membuang air kecil, or to throw small water means to piss in English. Membuang air besar, or to throw big water, means to shit. Male genitalia is called burning dan telur or bird and eggs.
A few English words which have interesting Indonesian roots are orangutan, rambutan, and boogeyman. Orang means man and hutan means forest in Indonesian. Literally, orangutan translates to man of the forest. Rambut means hair in Indonesian. Quite aptly, they named a red hairy tropical fruit Rambutan. the Bugis are the tribe of people who live in the southern peninsula of Sulawesi. They were the crazy people infamous for charging at the Dutch colonial ships and artillery. The term boogie man has been ever since for crazy fearless people.
In addition to the national language, each region and culture within Indonesia has its own language. “Pa, Loka mako tana kana parekai ceba que?” means ‘Mister, can you tell me if there are any monkeys here?’ in bugis language. “Pa mau tanya ada yang pelihara monkey disini” is the same phrase’s Indonesian equivalent. For monkey alone, we used a plethora of different appellations: lancing, Monyet, kera, ongki, ceba, boti, yakis, seba....
Here’s an example of a translated Indonesian joke. “What’s the difference between a monkey and a professor? A professor has no hair on his head and a monkey has no hair on its butt. A dirty limerick; “anu saya besar, besar any saya, kalau tidak besar, bukan anu saya” means “I am big, big am I, if it’s not big it’s not me. Obviously the limerick concerns the birds. A lewd pun I would recite to break the ice in conversations was “apa bedanya dengan jalan di desa dan jalan di Jakarta? Jalan di desa banyak jalan berlubang-lubang, jalan do Jakarta banyak lubang ber-jalan-jalan.” What is the difference between the streets of villages and the streets of Jakarta? The streets of the villages have a lot of holes, the streets of Jakarta has a lot of holes (slang for whores) walking.
A few common expressions in Indonesian are funny. Membuang air kecil, or to throw small water means to piss in English. Membuang air besar, or to throw big water, means to shit. Male genitalia is called burning dan telur or bird and eggs.
A few English words which have interesting Indonesian roots are orangutan, rambutan, and boogeyman. Orang means man and hutan means forest in Indonesian. Literally, orangutan translates to man of the forest. Rambut means hair in Indonesian. Quite aptly, they named a red hairy tropical fruit Rambutan. the Bugis are the tribe of people who live in the southern peninsula of Sulawesi. They were the crazy people infamous for charging at the Dutch colonial ships and artillery. The term boogie man has been ever since for crazy fearless people.
In addition to the national language, each region and culture within Indonesia has its own language. “Pa, Loka mako tana kana parekai ceba que?” means ‘Mister, can you tell me if there are any monkeys here?’ in bugis language. “Pa mau tanya ada yang pelihara monkey disini” is the same phrase’s Indonesian equivalent. For monkey alone, we used a plethora of different appellations: lancing, Monyet, kera, ongki, ceba, boti, yakis, seba....
Here’s an example of a translated Indonesian joke. “What’s the difference between a monkey and a professor? A professor has no hair on his head and a monkey has no hair on its butt. A dirty limerick; “anu saya besar, besar any saya, kalau tidak besar, bukan anu saya” means “I am big, big am I, if it’s not big it’s not me. Obviously the limerick concerns the birds. A lewd pun I would recite to break the ice in conversations was “apa bedanya dengan jalan di desa dan jalan di Jakarta? Jalan di desa banyak jalan berlubang-lubang, jalan do Jakarta banyak lubang ber-jalan-jalan.” What is the difference between the streets of villages and the streets of Jakarta? The streets of the villages have a lot of holes, the streets of Jakarta has a lot of holes (slang for whores) walking.
Indonesian Social Customs
I had my first lesson in Indonesian customs at a restaurant. Nature was calling. I looked around urgently but couldn’t find a washroom. I flagged down a waiter and uttered my first words in Indonesian, “Dimana kamar mandi?” or as they say in Chinese “ce suo zai nar?” or as they say in french “ou se trouvent les toilettes?” or as they say in english, “where are the toilets?” The waiter directed me to a dirty room with a hole in the floor and then proceeded to fill a bucket of water in the sink. I thought my query in Indonesian was somehow misunderstood and walked away puzzled . Then fellow researcher Myron (who’d been living in Indonesia for a year studying tarsiers) sensed my confusion. He came and put his arm around my shoulder while redirecting my gaze back to the hole in the floor. “Indonesians shit and piss in that hole, use their left hand and water to wipe their ass, and then flush their crap down with that bucket of water sitting in the sink.” I responded with ‘oh’ and mysteriously didn’t feel the urge to use the bathroom anymore.
Now what do bathroom logistics have to do with customs? A lot. Never use your left hand in greeting somebody... you just used it to wipe your ass. Also, never eat with your left hand— the right hand, right and left feet being cleaner alternatives. People don’t use knives or forks there to eat, they use their hands. The obvious difference between a first and third world country is how far removed food preparation is from the ass wiping process. In America we use toilet paper as our first barrier between ass and mouth, the we wash our hands with soap to kill any stray pathogenic microbes, then we eat with forks and knives that have been cleaned in drinkable tap water and soap. In Indonesia, they don’t use toilet paper, seldom use soap to clean their hands, prepare food with their marginally ‘rinsed’ hands, then eat with their hands and bowls ‘cleaned’ in magic hepatitis Giardia water and soap. Within a month, I was running into bushes, shitting green uncontrollable turds for a week as my body ‘acclimated’ to Indonesian hygienic standards. The grad student I was assisting, Ben, lost 20 pounds to giardia. His doctor told him he looked quite skullular when he returned to the States.
We had the delight of waiting in the immigration office in Ujung Pandang for a week in August. There, I learned a lot of conventions concerning official state business. First, wearing a hat in government offices is strictly forbidden. Also forbidden are flip-flops, shorts, and white T-shirts. I made four separate trips between the immigration office and our car in the parking lot to change my attire. In a country of 95°F and unbearable humidity, shorts are never worn. It is dishonorable to wear shorts because the rebel student government protesters of the 1960s wore shorts. Like now, back then protesters of the government were subsequently labeled communist and executed. Hence people who wore shorts became extinct and never passed on their jeans (genes). Never put your hands on your hips, or show the bottom of your feet, as these are indications that you want to start a fight. And finally, Indonesians become very nervous if you stand. They will always say ‘silakhan duduk’ — which means “please have a seat.”
In a 90% Muslim country, dating is not taken very lightly. I met many students at University of Indonesia who were pushing 25 and had never kissed before. Moreover, many women wear Jibabs — sheets which cover everything except for the eyes and the palms. I tried in futility for three hours to convince a woman with stunning palms and eyes to take off her jibab , but she said she will only be seen without it by her family and her husband. In her refusal, she turned down my marriage proposal and $40,000 in unmarked bills. It’s startling that the population in this country is 180 million and rapidly growing. When two people do date, they subsequently waste no time proliferating — sometimes siring 10 children. Life for Muslims is sacred, hence the lack of contraception or population control
There is less personal privacy there. Everywhere you will meet people will ask the following set of questions. “where are you from? (This question always comes first no matter what) where are you staying? where are you going? how much does it cost to stay where you are staying? do you have a lot of money?” and for me, the questions extended to “you’re not from Japan? are you sure? where is your country? when are you going back? What’s your name? What kind of name is that? how come you don’t look like an American? what’s your religion? how can you not have a religion? what’s going to happen when you die?” And so on.
Possessions are also public here. If you leave a guitar sitting in the car, someone is liable to reach in, take it out, and start playing it. The same rule applies to books, drawings, hats, sandals, etc... Although there is less privacy here, it also means there’s more of a sense of community, trust, and family. A handful of my conversations with locals ended up in their offering of rooms for me to stay in. Not only did they offer a room for a night but sometimes stays for three months for me, my friends and family if they ever came to Bali as well!
Now what do bathroom logistics have to do with customs? A lot. Never use your left hand in greeting somebody... you just used it to wipe your ass. Also, never eat with your left hand— the right hand, right and left feet being cleaner alternatives. People don’t use knives or forks there to eat, they use their hands. The obvious difference between a first and third world country is how far removed food preparation is from the ass wiping process. In America we use toilet paper as our first barrier between ass and mouth, the we wash our hands with soap to kill any stray pathogenic microbes, then we eat with forks and knives that have been cleaned in drinkable tap water and soap. In Indonesia, they don’t use toilet paper, seldom use soap to clean their hands, prepare food with their marginally ‘rinsed’ hands, then eat with their hands and bowls ‘cleaned’ in magic hepatitis Giardia water and soap. Within a month, I was running into bushes, shitting green uncontrollable turds for a week as my body ‘acclimated’ to Indonesian hygienic standards. The grad student I was assisting, Ben, lost 20 pounds to giardia. His doctor told him he looked quite skullular when he returned to the States.
We had the delight of waiting in the immigration office in Ujung Pandang for a week in August. There, I learned a lot of conventions concerning official state business. First, wearing a hat in government offices is strictly forbidden. Also forbidden are flip-flops, shorts, and white T-shirts. I made four separate trips between the immigration office and our car in the parking lot to change my attire. In a country of 95°F and unbearable humidity, shorts are never worn. It is dishonorable to wear shorts because the rebel student government protesters of the 1960s wore shorts. Like now, back then protesters of the government were subsequently labeled communist and executed. Hence people who wore shorts became extinct and never passed on their jeans (genes). Never put your hands on your hips, or show the bottom of your feet, as these are indications that you want to start a fight. And finally, Indonesians become very nervous if you stand. They will always say ‘silakhan duduk’ — which means “please have a seat.”
In a 90% Muslim country, dating is not taken very lightly. I met many students at University of Indonesia who were pushing 25 and had never kissed before. Moreover, many women wear Jibabs — sheets which cover everything except for the eyes and the palms. I tried in futility for three hours to convince a woman with stunning palms and eyes to take off her jibab , but she said she will only be seen without it by her family and her husband. In her refusal, she turned down my marriage proposal and $40,000 in unmarked bills. It’s startling that the population in this country is 180 million and rapidly growing. When two people do date, they subsequently waste no time proliferating — sometimes siring 10 children. Life for Muslims is sacred, hence the lack of contraception or population control
There is less personal privacy there. Everywhere you will meet people will ask the following set of questions. “where are you from? (This question always comes first no matter what) where are you staying? where are you going? how much does it cost to stay where you are staying? do you have a lot of money?” and for me, the questions extended to “you’re not from Japan? are you sure? where is your country? when are you going back? What’s your name? What kind of name is that? how come you don’t look like an American? what’s your religion? how can you not have a religion? what’s going to happen when you die?” And so on.
Possessions are also public here. If you leave a guitar sitting in the car, someone is liable to reach in, take it out, and start playing it. The same rule applies to books, drawings, hats, sandals, etc... Although there is less privacy here, it also means there’s more of a sense of community, trust, and family. A handful of my conversations with locals ended up in their offering of rooms for me to stay in. Not only did they offer a room for a night but sometimes stays for three months for me, my friends and family if they ever came to Bali as well!
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