Politics 101

I took my silence for granted till I was awoken by a thunderous rumble-noise 3 months ago. It sounded like a large airplane gearing for takeoff on a runway. The noise would shake my bed and last 20 minutes and then die down as if a plane had taken flight... only to return and land and take off every 80 minutes thereby effectively ruining any chance of deep sleep. When I awoke, I groggily looked outside my window and realized there were in fact no planes circling the apartment —my neighbor Pat had installed an air conditioning system with an exhaust vent through their exterior wall pointed right at my window! They had spent the last 6 months combining  3 apartments into one mega  unit. The built-in air conditioning system was the last stage of their construction... a lavish sign of their wealth beyond owning  a huge apartment, as everyone else in the building uses the traditional window-mounted air conditioner units.  

A slim real estate whiz with a boyish face and an even younger-looking rotund wife, nothing seems to faze Pat. His has a great elan and unflappable demeanor. Hang around our apartment door and you’re liable to hear some type of screaming outbreak or out of control raging parent trying to talk sense into their kid with rap music blaring in the background. If you stand by their door, you hear nothing but calm conversations and laughter and maybe some light Chopin. 

They have so much money to burn they have their 2 kids attend a fancy private school even though we all live within a coveted public school district. When he opens the door you really see how the other side lives. Compared to the squalor of our apartment, looking into their apartment you see clear hardwood floors and a veritable staff that supports their endeavors— teachers, nannies, and a cleaning lady scurrying around... 

I was friends with Pat as both our kids play baseball. Small talk about baseball brings rich and poor people together. We reminisced how both our teams suffered decades long championship droughts .. he hailed from the curse of the billy goat Chicago Cubs  and I suffered the curse of the bambino Boston redsox. 

I understood how anxious he seemed to return to his apartment with his family after a yearlong renovation. Not wanting to break the bad news to him that his air conditioner was loud and would possibly require an extensive system overhaul, I wrote an email to  a friend on the coop board, Matt to see if we could meet to discuss how to notify Pat tactfully that his air conditioner was loud. 

Hi Matt,

I hope all is going well with you. I wanted to speak with you about how best to approach the new air conditioner noise in the shaft, are around Sunday night?  I like Pat and consider him a friend and appreciate all the effort he’s put into the building, but at the same time it seems his AC unit in 5C/D is making an unreasonable amount of noise when it cycles on. I’ve attached a screen shot of a decibel reading I made outside our window and a video clip. The noise appears a lot higher than allowed by nyc noise regulations. I’m surprised the building architect approved the AC given its noise generation. When we keep our windows open for cross ventilation we can hear the noise all the way in our front bedrooms and it’s loud when we keep our kids’ bedroom window open.  When I bumped into Betty who lives in 3B last night, she remarked she was woken up by the noise a couple nights ago. I think the noise affects the B, D and E lines in the building. 

Luke 

Matt responded that he had forwarded my email to Pat directly. I was mortified. 

Hi Luke, 

Yikes. 70db is loud--and much higher than the 42db limit. I understand. If it's okay with you, I forwarded Pat and the building manager your email about this situation. 

Matt

All my efforts to seek a discreet resolution to the issue then blew up in my  face. Of course,  the next day I bumped into Pat on the street by coincidence. He shot me a fake smile and proceeded to apologize for his air conditioning noise. I was the sneaky character not able to confront the situation with him directly, he was being upfront about the issue in addressing me. He was the consummate politician, the leader of the coop board feigning fake concern over the noise. I think he promptly went to his apartment with sinister revenge in mind as he turned his air conditioner even higher generating more noise than before.. 

There are  3 modes of living in New York, renting an apartment, owning a coop (short for cooperative), or owning a condominium. Each mode has its social and political implications. If you rent an apartment, you’re like a serf paying monthly tribute to a landlord. You have limited to no rights, and the landlord could raise the rent as they see fit, and generally respond slowly to pleas for repairs. We aren’t at this level of society... we are rich enough to afford a mortgage.

If you own a condominium, you pay a premium to be the king of your domain... you can use the condominium any way you see fit, leasing or lending  it out to others. We aren’t rich enough for this. 

If you own a coop, like most nyc homeowners, you own shares in a corporation that entitles you to use an apartment within a building. The larger the apartment you own, the more shares you own. The coop board is comprised of elected shareholders that decide on collective rules (no dogs, laundry times, renovation rules, sublet rules). In addition, coop boards have the right to admit or deny potential buyers. Those with the most shares and largest apartments  have a large advantage in the elections as the the votes allotted is proportional to shares owned.

Being the largest shareholder with 3 apartments, it was no surprise Pat had  become the president of the coop board. The only way a small shareholder could be elected to the board is to form political alliances and pooling voting shares towards one candidate. I never ran for office since I figured  why bother? I had no chance to compete with larger shareholders. Plus I was too busy watching late night informercials to involve myself with my neighbors. 

A week later, as the air conditioner noise still persisted, sleep deprived, I started knocking on people’s doors asking if they had noticed this turbine noise. They did. I asked them to email Pat of their displeasure, I was effectively canvassing a group of residents to protest Pat’s air conditioner noise thinking the more people that complained to him the more effective the complaint. Obama started his career knocking on doors canvassing for green energy and environmental issues. I started my political career with similar lofty ambitions... canvassing against  an air conditioner noise. Rhea made a heartfelt plea.

Hi, Pat - I’ve recently realized that the loud sound outside my bedroom window is from the air conditioner in your apartment. It is especially loud in our master bedroom, but I can hear it anywhere in our apartment. Is there anything wrong with the unit, because it is uncharacteristically loud?

Would you please investigate and let me know? 

Thanks so much, 

Rhea 

While my apartment was noisy and unbearably hot, Pat was sending missives and enjoying the cool confines of his abode. this is one of his typical heartless replies to  Rhea to feign concern while blasting his ac. 

Hi Rhea,

Yes it is my air conditioner. The installer replaced the circuit board thinking it was that, it was shipped from California so came in last week, but it didn’t work. They are now going to replace the blower as soon as the new piece comes in. I have been harassing my contractor to resolve this ASAP.  It’s set to go off only when the apartment reaches 85 so it must have gotten really bad in the apartment today. I am on them on a daily basis and they have been fantastic with everything throughout construction so I know they are focused.

Best,

Pat 

What a fucker I thought. Simultaneous to my efforts, residents started commenting about their surprise in the temporary sharp rise of our monthly coop fees. Essentially everyone was being forced to pay $6000 for interior renovations of the lobby. For the rich people in the building, who happened to run the board since they had the most voting power, this was a pittance. To the other residents, it was an economic hardship. They wondered out loud to me how it would be possible to rein in the coop board’s powers. The power had corrupted the board, and they were spending lavishly on building projects. When the coop ran its yearly elections, it was no surprise  the same board (owners of the largest apartments) was re-elected. 

I don’t like to follow rules, but when pressed with difficult situations, I try to use them to my advantage. Out of desperation, I contacted the management company to look at the legal charter for the coop to see if there were any regulations regarding elections. The first 20 pages of the charter listed captivating topics such as  laundry rules, sublet rules, noise rules, pet rules, etc.. generally how to be a good neighbor. 

On the last page was a innocuous clause that stated no member of the board shall be eligible as a board member more than 4 years in a row. I emailed the management company asking the names of all those on the  roster of the coop board for the past 4 years to see if some board members could be ruled ineligible. I heard no response so I assumed the elections were settled.... until a couple weeks later when Pat sent out a mass email singling me out and ‘thanking me’ for pointing out the clause in the bylaws. Apparently when I asked for the roster, lawyers were consulted behind the scenes to discuss the validity of the elections. The elections were invalidated as 3 of the board members including Pat had served more that 4 years straight. Pat sent out the following email to explain the situation.

Dear Shareholders,

We wanted to share with you something I have just learned and discussed with the coop attorney.  We have discovered an amendment to the Co-op By-laws from 2009 which states that board members cannot serve for more than four terms in a five year period.  Thank you to Luke for continuing to ask if there were term limits – those of us who moved in after 2009 were unaware of this amendment.

Our co-op attorney has pointed out that the amendment states that a “majority” of shareholders approved the amendment in 2009.  However, amendments like this must be approved by 2/3 of the shareholders, not just a majority.  If you would like to run please let us know by Wednesday, July 3rd so that your name can be included with the proxy.  We would like to have at least 66-2/3% of the shareholders vote in favor of this amendment to remove all doubt its enforce-ability, so it is important that you return your proxy or appear in person at the meeting to vote.

Thank you.

Pat

Again, I was cast in this sneaky light, trying to upend the elections based on a technicality of the charter’s bylaws by asking questions outside the board. I started talking to residents in the building. I needed votes desperately. Even the 90 year old recent widower Lucy upstairs was fair game. I asked her how her husband Mike was doing since I hadn’t seen him In a while. I felt uncomfortable and bad when she told me how she had cancer and survived but her husband died of prostate cancer and that he couldn’t come to terms with his end. I offered to help her while she was away.. I did all that I could to get elected.

Lucy,

It was nice speaking with you the other day. If you ever need help, just let me know how I can be of assistance. Betty gave me your email.  A couple people have asked me to run for the board. I was wondering if you could use your proxy votes to support my bid. I’d like to run on fiscal responsibility (avoiding assessments whenever possible), and transparency in the decision making process. To that end, I’m helping Tom with the Coop House Bulletin and I’m opposed to any slated cellar furniture upgrades, etc... 

Luke

A few days ago multiple residents started contacting me and asking if I’d run for the board. They thought I was brave for my (inadvertent)  election invalidation efforts and pledged their proxy votes for me. All my efforts to act in a  discreet manner have backfired and  I somehow managed to find myself the accidental leader of a coop coup, the face of the resistance. I was elected to the board and was congratulated for my efforts.

The first meeting of elected officials was held on Matt’s lavish roof deck. It was a beautiful dusk meeting, with an amazing sunset. Everyone was playing nice and getting a feel for each other. Most matters concerned daily operations of the building. But then we talked about Pat's AC unit and how his construction renovation was coming to an end. They said he was due a $70k deposit for completing work. My ears perked up. My first act in office was to put forth an uncomfortable idea. Most people try to avoid rocking the boat when they first meet... not me. Months of frustration culminated in these words coming out of my mouth, “Whenever contractors perform deficient work, we withhold pay so they rectify the errors. We should withhold Pat’s deposit till he fixed his AC” I think the board members were shocked to hear my proposal. to my surprise the board members ratified it despite the warm sunset.

Unfortunately the withheld did nothing to quell Pat’s use of the ac. He would in fact, keep it on while he was out all day, thumbing his nose at complaints and withheld deposit. He was rich enough it didn’t matter. He hired acousticians to make measurements inside other people’s apartments, as if doubting people’s complaints and then did no action to remedy the situation.

3 months later in a weekly basement meeting regarding building matters....

I began thinking political office had not been as glamorous as I thought it would be. Every month I waste spend 2 hours of my time looking attentive and interested attending coop board meetings. I’ve developed a skill at meetings to surf of my iphone semi-discreetly and daydreaming. When I get called on for an opinion, I feign deep thought and ask “can you repeat that question?” 
“Luke, Should the superintendent get a raise?”

“No,” I reply. I can still remember the time the super got mad at me for making a mess during renovations 10 years ago. I’m a man of many grudges. Then I retreat back into my inner thoughts. Originally I petitioned the coop to re-examine the election process to contest the board president’s airplane turbine air conditioning unit. Now I’ve come to realize the board is just comprised of selfish pricks like me, each with their own self interests. Lola doesn’t want packages stored under the stair cause she thinks a predator could lurk there and pounce on her as she exits her 1st floor apartment. Samantha wants her bathroom ceiling perennially patched up and fixed from water leak damage. Kyle wants to impose a task list for the superintendent to make sure he’s not slacking off. John wants to ensure fiscal responsibility. And Matt, the current president, wants to bring everyone together, rearrange the bike room and sing kumbaya in peace and love. 6 people ran for positions... 3 incumbents were denied positions because they had served too long. One person, Betty, has ran several times for the board but has never been elected because of perceived mental instability. Legend has it, her ex husband used to own the whole goddamn building. It’s quite a fall from grace as she now lives there with her grown son. Tan and blond and probably formerly very glamorous her leathery skin belies her former stature. I like Betty, she speaks her mind and let’s the words fly.

When the board president singled me out and asked me privately whether we should grant an exception to the noise levels (50 dB instead of 45 dB) of his AC unit, it didn’t seem right. I set up a white noise machine used to keep babies asleep  in the room at 50 dB to see whether it was tolerable. It sounded  like the ocean waves or static TV, but was still annoying compared to silence. 

I knew I had to form a coalition. Politics is about perception. If people single me out as a lone complainer of noise, they would categorize me as the demanding crazy person. 

I didn’t respond to Matt’s request for a few days. I emailed another board member Sam who I thought would support my efforts but she didn’t respond. My coalition was not going anywhere. Then I noticed Betty was fighting the exorbitant fees associated with changing countertops in her kitchen ($400 processing fee + $800 plumber fee) over email exchanges back and forth with the board. I decided the time was ripe for gathering impassioned allies. Like me, she lives on my side of the shaft but 2 floors down from Pat’s air conditioner. Like me, she prefers to sleep with her windows open for cross ventilation during the summer. 2 nights ago I knocked on her door.

She was on the phone but invited me into her lair. The apartment is decorated in 1970s style with a living room ceiling with piano shaped curved soffits that probably looked cool when people still listened to disco. Like a true politician I pretended to listen to her concerns carefully. “What’s going on with your countertop? I read your email to the board today... what seems to be the problem?”

Betty email #1  Would you please send me the info on the additional requirements for my kitchen.  I want to get it to my contractor ASAP. As noted in the contract just the sink will be removed and replaced to accommodate the new counter top.  No pipes will be removed.

Thanks so much.

She then told me all she wanted to do was disconnect her sink, change her counter top and reconnect her sink. Easy enough I thought, but the managing agent wanted a $400 processing fee for the work and a licensed plumber to disconnect and connect her faucet (another $800). Betty and me, we’re like the poor people in the apartment building... the working class non-banker types. Paying  $1200 for nothing didn’t sit well with her considering the countertop slab doesn’t even cost that much. I sympathized with her and told her these rules are ridiculous. She loved every word I was feeding her. I even told her “why don’t you just install the countertops yourself without telling the board?” “I should have done that,” she said. Now that she was captivated I egged her on “you can sneak the counter slab in a box as if it was a Christmas present or something ... just wrap it in cardboard” “that’s a great idea, yes yes!” Now i was on a roll.... so I started tapping into class warfare tactics... “you know these rich people who live here... they think they can do anything they want. they don’t give a shit about us” at this point Betty's gray cat was about to pounce on me. In a stern voice she said “Clio don’t even think about it!” I was thinking her cat was going to dig it’s claws into me, so I stood up and asked to see her kitchen. I felt sorry for Betty. Her cabinets were dilapidated and the lighting was dim. All she could afford was to change her countertop, but with all the fees she wouldn’t be able to even afford a countertop. At this point I tapped into her helplessness. “You know it pisses me off. You’re not doing much, you’re not bothering anybody and they’re trying to make you pay all these ridiculous fees.. meanwhile Pat combined 3 apartments and blasted his loud AC at us all summer. You know what happened? Matt singled me out and asked whether I would compromise and approve Mr. Pat's air conditioner. It would be 50 decibels but still higher than the threshold of 45... these rich guys think they can do whatever they want and not comply with city laws and coop regulations. What nerve!” Now Betty looked like a crazy cat lady unleashed... foaming at the mouth ready to take down the bourgeois. I asked if she could see if she could get Sam to side with me about the AC since I hadn’t heard a reply from him. She headed out the door with me to talk to Sam. The next day, I saw a barrage of emails spewing vitriol and hate. One more unhinged than the last, the crazy cat lady went off the rails....

Betty email #2 Regarding this ridiculous requirement, all I can tell you is over the past three years I and the rest of the shareholders in this building put up with numerous major renovations on the second floor and the fifth floor that lasted well over a year.  In that time, the residents who were doing these renovations were fortunate enough not to have to live through it as they moved out of the building while the renovation was in process.  The rest of us had to live through dust in the building,  dirty floors, and noxious smells.  My countertop replacement is nowhere near the renovations that have taken place in this building.  I am appalled at the hoops that I have to jump through to get a simple countertop.

Betty

Betty email #3 Hi Matt, Do you mind telling me what all this crap is about? I do not intend to pay a cent to Veritas management for processing. Tell me what is she processing —-taking papers from one side of the desk and moving it to the other side of the desk.This is not a major renovation and I don’t intend to pay a cent to anyone this is absolute extortion. I should have done this job without telling anyone! You can have someone else take care of your garden and take care of your potted planters.

Also I want to know exactly when Pat’s air conditioner is going to be taken care of as I don’t intend to be disturbed by that sound in the summertime.

Betty

Now that Betty had brought up Pat’s AC I followed up with an ‘even keeled’ email regarding the AC:

All,

I set up a 50 dB noise simulation in my apartment to see what it sounds like. It’s quite noticeable. I’ve never had issues with sounds in the shaft till this year. This summer I had our kids sleep on the street side rooms with us to avoid the sound nuisance. In all my measurements I made over the summer, the baseline never went up to 50 dB. My noise measurements were quite accurate because when the acoustician came, he essentially confirmed 60 dB for the AC unit and 45 for the baseline. I think codes and rules are written for a reason and people should follow them to be good respectful neighbors.

Thanks,

Luke

2 days later Matt, who I helped with the graphic design of the building bulletin meant to foster community, transparency and bring people together, wrote an email asking whether I could get this crazy cat lady off his nuts....

Hi Sam and Luke,

It is a real pain to renovate an apartment in a co-op for a reason. This is an old building and almost any work is bound to impact neighbors, which is why we have a review process. If the work is not done right, 2B will be impacted. The demolition will impact the other residents on the 3rd floor. If she is touching water & drainage I think a plumber needs to be involved.  

If you think that we should make an exception to rules or processing fees for Betty, we can discuss as a board. Otherwise, I do not want to waste anyone's time, and I will tell her that she must work with Veritas. 

For the most part, people in the co-op are respectful and civil in my experience. I think her behavior--emails like this one, her tone at board meetings and shareholder meetings--are detrimental to the co-op. It's confrontational, personal, and wastes time, which then discourages people from being on the board or going to shareholder events. 

It seems as though she is more trusting of you than of me. If/when you talk to her, can you suggest that she avoid the angry demanding emails? I am certainly not out to mistreat her or take advantage of her.

Thanks for any help!

Matt

Little did Matt know that I had worked behind the scenes to drive the crazy cat lady to raging rants towards him, used her to urge Sam’s support, and provide me a fellow petitioner to launch my methodical legal approach resolving mr Pat’s acoustic transgressions. Later that day, Sam wrote to the board...

Dear board,

I believe it would be a grave mistake from the board to deviate and accept anything other than the mandated by law decibel levels. 

Sam

Mission accomplished. Coalition formed.