I went to a tailor to get it fixed, but they said I had to get my own patching material. My jacket is a brown color, so finding fabric is not so easy. The rip is also located in a very odd location... kind of near the top of the elbow, so a decorative patch would probably draw attention to it. I thought a symmetrical patch on both arms may look more intentional, but it would probably make the situation look twice as bad. A month later, I decided to make a more permanent fix to my jacket. I noticed a small patch kept falling off with white feathers escaping... from my deep knowledge of structural engineering, I know that my tape was failing due to shear stress, and to better engineer my patch, I would have to wrap the tape around the whole arm over the hole... which I did. So my temporary solution has become a little more permanent, but makes me look a little more destitute. I’m not one to think about my appearances much... but it is weird how people look down on people with duct taped jackets. What's wrong with trying to keep my feathers in my jacket?
We rented a house by the ski slopes. So we’ve been obligated to go every week to make it cost effective. This past weekend was supposed to be cold. Like -30 F with windchill. On top of that, it was supposed to snow the night we arrived. Of course I was so pre-occupied purchasing a go pro camera and setting it up that I forgot to pack a shovel. I called the owner of the house on the road and left messages about perhaps borrowing a shovel just in case our car was buried in snow. I heard no response. There are no towns near the mountain, so the ride became more a more desperate as the weather reports became more dire as we approached the mountain "12-14 inches falling overnight with icy rain... temperatures falling below 0...". Finally we saw a Dollar Store, and pulled up. I walked around the aisles and couldn't find a shovel. When i asked the clerk, he said, sorry, they've were all sold out. My mind flipped to survival mode, I started imagining using pots and pans from the house's kitchen to remove snow. Dejected, I started to walk out the store. Out of the corner of my eye, i found salvation. a small toy pink and purple my little pony shovel that kids use along side their parents to get the joyful carefree experience of shoveling without really having to move a lot of snow. I picked it up and went back to the counter. I was half relieved that at least I had something to shovel with and half pissed that the clerk fucking lied to me when he said they were out of shovels. it must've been a sight, a man with a half relieved half pissed expression with duct taped jacket buying a my little pony pink and purple shovel.
The snow came overnight, and it took me 2 hours to dig out the car with the pony shovel in the morning. I was totally drenched in sweat before skiing. I could imagine a duchamp nude desending staircase-like painting of of me, it would be a swiveling puple and pink shovel in motion fluttering around a car. The snow was heavy and wet. I was thinking all the snow would be great on the mountain and I looked forward to capturing the skiing with the go pro. On the slopes of the mountain, the snow drifts were large enough to knock your balance down a slope sending one momentarily out of control, It was so cold, the moisture between the layers of my goggle's plastic lenses froze, making visibility impossible. Skiing in iced up goggles trying to navigate snow bumps was treacherous and nerve wracking. A lot of the best american olympic skiiers come out of the northeast. Unlike the west which is graced with fluffy powder, skiiers in the northeast have to contend with ice, cruddy snow. terrible conditions. For the non olympic skiiers like myself, bad conditions expose really bad technique. I ended up on the side of a trail, too far over to turn the other way. Extreme cold weather has the strange effect of hurrying decisions. (like invading russia in the winter). You're so intent on just moving to keep warm, sometimes you move the wrong way. I had a brain freeze idea-- ski through the trees to get to an easier adjacent slope. I skiied about 5 feet before my ski sunk 2 feet under. i went flying and face planted into the snow. The go pro footage i captured is probably like a hilarious prank gone wrong.
When i returned the car rental and took the train into the city, I had to gather all the belongings from the trunk. Not wanting to look completely ridiculous, i buried the shovel into my bag with the ponies concealed and the miniature purple shaft and blue handle sticking out of my backpack. i looked and felt like a total vagrant. It was 10 degrees in nyc, a 30 year low that felt colder with the wind. we have one more week left in the rental.
(Click here to ski bum in comic format)
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